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jokes of the day:
Restaurant Ergonomics:
A guy is eating at an exclusive eatery when the waiter comes up to his table and asks if everything is okay. The man replies "Yes," but during the conversation drops his spoon on the floor. The waiter immediately pulls a spoon out of his shirt pocket.
The man asks, "Why do you carry a spoon in your pocket?"
The waiter says that the place is so busy all the time, the employees need to save time any way they can. So they did a survey and the most dropped eating utensil was the spoon. Now, all the waiters carry spoons so they don't have to go to the kitchen and get one. The man thinks that is great.
Later on, the waiter again stops by to see if everything is okay. This time, the man notices a string sticking out of the waiter's zipper. He asks what that was for, and the waiter says, "When we go to the bathroom, we just grab the string and pull it out. That way we don't have to wash our hands, thus saving us time."
"Interesting," says the man, "But how do you put it back in your pants when you're done?"
The waiter says, "I don't know about the other waiters, but I use the spoon."
Please Forgive Me:
A man is in a hotel lobby and wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and his elbow pokes her in the breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
Stop him from coming home late:
One afternoon, a woman was complaining to her new next-door neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out: 'Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him."
"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how did that cure him?"
The neighbor said, "His name is Bill."
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