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jokes of the day:
Your Husband Lost Five Hundred Dollars at Poker:
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a
single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five
complete their playing time standing up.
One of the men looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to
tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Steve, who is always a loser, picks the
short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad
situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will
ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Steve walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the
wife answers, asks what he wants.
Steve says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Steve replies, "I'll tell him."
~ ~ ~
Whorehouse in Anchorage:A Texan walked into a whorehouse in Anchorage and asked, "Do you have a girl here from Texas named Arlene?" "Sure do," said the madam. "Go on up to Room 6."
The Texan went up to Room 6 and knocked on the door. When the woman answered it, he asked "Are you Arlene from Texas?"
"I sure am," she replied.
"Well, I got two hundred dollars," he proudly said.
The hooker grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him into the room. After they had thrashed around on the mattress for a half an hour, the Texan got up to leave. "Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked.
"Sure," Arlene said, "I'll be here."
The next night, the Texan came back and went up to Room 6. Another two hundred dollars, another hour of horizontal aerobics. When they were done, the Texan was sitting on the side of the bed and he asked, "Will you be here tomorrow night?"
"Honey," she said, "I'll be here every night for you."
The next night, the Texan came back again. Same thing: two hundred dollars, the best sex of his life. When they were done, they were both sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Say," Arlene said, "what part of Texas you from?"
"I'm from Dallas," the Texan says, with a big grin.
"Well, I got a sister in Dallas!" the hooker cries.
"I know it," the Texan says, "and she gave me six hundred dollars to give to you!"
~ ~ ~
Cross Check:An Army chaplain, walking through a notorious section of
town, saw a soldier exiting a known house of prostitution.
The soldier paused on the sidewalk and gestured with his
right hand in a manner familiar to the good Catholic
chaplain.
The chaplain promptly approached the errant soldier, saying,
"I'm sorry to see a good Catholic lad like you, coming out of
a place like that."
"Well, padre, I'm not Catholic," answered the GI.
"But I clearly saw you cross yourself as you came out of
there."
"No - but when I come out of a place like that, I always
check four things: My spectacles, my testicles, my watch
and my wallet."
~ ~ ~
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